Friday, September 08, 2006
Hard to be submissive when not being Dommed
Well, as i had feared, She has not been acting Dominant in the last week. This is the ultimate challenge: To feel and be submissive when Wife is not being dominant.
It started last Friday. i was going out of town to visit my mother. i had told Her that the lock on the chastity device would set off the metal detector at the airport, and we had joked about me calling Her from jail. But last Friday morning i brought i d punish me." That feels like topping from the bottom. i want and need Her to be dominant enough to control such matters, to take the initiative. It almost feels like She doesn't care that much when She just ignores the D/s aspect.
i know this is my "trip." She isn't naturally dominant and She has been trying. But i dislike begging Her to dominate me and punish me. i want Her to truly take control! Please!
i couldn't even find the CB3000 Wednesday morning. i just had this incredible need to be locked up again. i asked Her and She told me where it was ... and made no comment as i got it and took it to my bathroom to clean it during my shower and put it on. So She knows i'm locked up again .... but i had to do it. If i hadn't said anything, i'd still be free.
Since then ... two days ... no punishment, no domination, no nothing! It was my birthday yesterday and i didn't even get a birthday spanking! Not even teased about it.
i feel like the guy in this picture, that my cock is bigger than i am (in a bad way), that it controls my life. And i need Her to control my cock!
Right now, the title of this blog isn't true. And i don't know what to do about it....
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
bathroom scale cooperates!
This morning i had to get on the scale and report my weight to Wife. i am very glad She is helping me get rid of some of this fat, but i was quite worried because i have been sneaking food late at night. So i figured i probably hadn't lost anything. But the bathroom scale claims i have lost 4 pounds in a week! i know that's ridiculous; i have only lost that much a couple of times, and it was when i was exercising hard every day and only eating one meal.
i told Her the truth -- that i thought the scale was off but that i probably had lost something.
"I guess I won't paddle you then," She said. And then added, "Good job."
She didn't ask to see the daily journal She told me to keep, in which i have recorded the late-night eating. If She saw that, i would get paddled regardless of how much weight i have lost, because i promised to get Her permission before eating anything beyond lunch and dinner.
But Wife is still working into Her dominance, and She did not ask to see the journal. And i did not volunteer it, either. She knows i am recording daily, She knows where the journal is, She can see it anytime She wants!
i wish She would check it, and hold me totally accountable. But She is a busy lady and not always working on controlling me! So i sort of feel i got away with something. On the other hand, i definitely ate less this week. Be interesting to see what happens when She finally does read the journal....
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
porn = punishment!
i got a serious switching last night, as all can see from the marks.
i have been surfing the Internet for articles and pictures on spanking and Female domination for years. Now that i am getting dominated at home, as i have always desired, and am locked in chastity, you would think i would have stopped surfing. But bad habits die hard, and i have been doing it anyway, even though it's frustrating to see great stuff that i can't masturbate to.
i ought to just be writing this blog and reading other Femdom blogs, right? And that's basically what i have been doing, but ... Sunday night i was trying to find a Femdon pic i used to have on an old computer. It's a black-and-white pic of a woman with a paddle and a guilty-looking guy coming out of the bathroom, with the toilet seat up in the background and her saying, "I warned you what would happen next time you left the seat up." (If anybody has that pic, please let me know!) So i searched for "spanking photo, toilet seat up" and got lots of links, but none of them the pic i was looking for. But one of those links was the kind that snaps back on even when you close it ... which i didn't realize.
So later that night i ask Wife a computer question (She's an expert), and we go down to my computer and She jiggles the mouse and on comes a nasty porn link -- not even one related to spanking. And She is really mad ... though She doesn't say much...
Yesterday, however, after She had time to think about it and get even madder, She went OFF -- yelling about what would happen if one of our kids or a guest saw that. She's very right, of course. She usually isn't angry when She punishes, but this time She was. She made me pull down my pants and lean over the bed, and She went to TOWN with that switch i had cut a few days ago: She was slashing everywhere, including above and below my spank spot, and it really stung and i was really, truly sorry. i mean it. i apologized profusely. She told me i needed to get everything off this computer, and i begged Her to let me keep some of the pics i have saved, and She seemed to agree. She ordered me to log off each time i get off this machine, so others can't see whay i have been doing.
i made a bad mistake, and i definitely deserved what i got and i am a well-chastened boy!
Sunday, August 27, 2006
Cock unlocked -- and named!
Yesterday we drove a relative to the airport in Chicago and we both were really tired.
"We may have to take a nap!" i commented on the way home, and gave Her a big wink. She knew what i was asking -- to be unlocked, to have sex -- but She was noncommital. Which is Her right, of course.
But when we got home, She did go and lie down. i followed into the bedroom after a while. She said, "i think we will let 'Harold' out today."
She had never given my cock a name before, but it's fine with me. Don't we have a more personal relationship with the things we name? LOL
She made me cover my eyes with a pillow and She got a CB3000 key from somewhere in the bedroom. She approached my side of the bed and nodded, and i pulled down my pants and underpants so the cage showed in all its glory.
"This is so clinical," She laughed as She unlocked it. "Harold" sprang to immediate attention! She climbed onto the bed ... and right onto my face. She faced my feet (like in the picture) and played with Harold at Her leisure while i pleasured Her with my tongue.
The sex was wonderful. She had several orgasms, and i had a powerful one inside Her.
Afterwords, She went to the bathroom and then out onto our deck in Her robe. She did not tell me to lock myself back up, but i knew that i should. i cleaned the CB3000 with an old toothbrush, rinsed it in really hot water. i shaved some pubic hair that had been getting caught, and i changed to a fatter spacer (which holds the cage and the ring apart). There had been some uncomfortable moments in the last four days -- and there's no telling how long i will be locked up this time!
When i clicked the lock shut ... it felt good. Believe it or not, it felt good. To know that my cock belongs only to her ... and not to my right hand!
Friday, August 25, 2006
Three days in chastity
It's Friday night and i have been locked up since Wednesday morning. No orgasms, no clit-licking, no sex at all -- and i am so happy! Normally i would have wanked at least six times since Wednesday morning. But i don't feel horny. i feel in love!
i have been so attentive to Her. i am sure She is noticing. Three days and my attitude has changed already!
Wednesday was a pretty normal day, actually. She had told me to weigh myself -- i have gained a lot of weight -- and i agreed that i am not supposed to eat anything besides lunch and dinner without Her permission (i never eat breakfast). The cage felt funny in my pants but i knew i could handle it. We both worked hard at our jobs, and after work She had a meeting and i took our daughter to counseling, where we were supposed to have a family session. Our daughter went in alone, and i waited until Wife got there, then we joined the counselor. It was a difficult conversation and i was upset. Afterwards we went out to dinner at our favorite restaurant. i had whitefish and cole slaw and calmed down. We all went to bed about the same time. Usually this is when i surf the net and wank. It was obvious that She wasn't interested in sex, and i wasn't about to ask, but i stayed when normally i would have left. After Wife fell asleep i got up and did some paperwork. Usually i would be surfing and wanking.
i woke up early Thursday morning, in some pain because of my morning woody. i have this every morning, like most guys. But it is very painful in the cage; i can't sleep through it. i knew this from when i tried the CB3000 on my own, when She wasn't interested in it. i couldn't sleep so i got up early and cleaned the kitchen and did some more paperwork. i brought Her coffee at the appropriate time. i told Her that i love Her. She smiled.
Thursday was another busy day. i went straight from work to my sex addicts group. i was very embarrassed to tell them that i am locked up, but i did it. They think it's great: No more porn for me! i think it is great, too, and i just hope that She maintains it. She has dominated me before and then stopped. But never like this.
We had a big game of Scrabble. i thought i was ahead but i lost. i questioned my daughter's addition. i knew it was wrong but i did it anyway. Bad habit. We went to bed together again. She was reading. i turned on some sports. i asked Her if i could lick Her. She said no. i tried to cuddle up seductively. "Get away," She said severely. Normally this would have started a fight about why She was refusing me. But i didn't feel mad as i normally would. i felt resigned; Wife has me locked up and She has the keys. If i don't behave, i'll NEVER get out! It's all about Her now. And that feels so good!
This morning i awoke with another woody; i figure i'm going to have to get used to it. When i brought Her coffee, we made eye contact ... for a long time. She said, "i love you." i said it, too. Then i told Her that i had some candy at the sex addicts group; the guys always bring candy. She told me to get the switch. She made me pull down my pants and underpants and lie across the bed. Sher switched me and made me promise not to eat any more candy at the group. She also switched me for questioning our daughter's math the night before. That was rude, She said. It stung a lot but i knew i deserved it; i thanked Her profusely. On the way to the car, i felt so elated: Chaste and chastized -- this is what i have wanted for years!!!
All day i was on cloud nine. i could feel my dick rubbing back and forth in the CB3000. It's a minor form of stimulation; i can wiggle in certain ways and make my dick rub against the plastic. Amazing -- before i was wanking several times a day to completion. Now, three days later, i'm happy to have a little rubbing against plastic, not enough to even start to get hard.
i can't explain my joy. Joy in knowing that She cares enough to control me. Joy that i don't have to wank -- that i can't. i have felt so out of control and now i feel in control. i have never had a lot of self-control so it is wonderful for Her to be controlling me. i hope it lasts forever!
Thursday, August 24, 2006
Male chastity: Life of a submissive husband
Today, Aug. 24, 2006, is my second day locked in chastity by my wonderful Wife. Yesterday, when She made me put on my CB3000 and give her all three keys, was one of the most incredible days of my life: i rank it right up there with my marriage, the births of my children, and my first sexual experience: an iconic day.
Yesterday morning was the culmination of a long process in which i have begged her to take control of my orgasms. But the immediate trigger was Tuesday night, when i lost my erection during cunnilingus. She likes me to lick Her to orgasm and then fuck Her hard. i always have an erection at the beginning of licking Her, which i love to do, but sometimes i lose it during the 10-15 minutes that it takes Her to cum. It's not that i'm not enjoying it -- i love Her taste. Rather, it's the lack of genital stimulation for me and ... it depends how long it's been since my last orgasm. If i have wanked within the last couple hours, i lose the erection more readily. And She knows that i play with myself a lot.
So even though She had just orgasmed on my tongue, She was angry that i could not fuck Her right away. And She accused me of having wanked recently, and i admitted it. She told me it was wrong, and i agreed. i went down on Her again, brought Her off a second time with my tongue, and this time was able to get it up, and we had a good fuck and i came inside Her. When i spooned Her -- the position we usually fall asleep in -- She told me, "Tomorrow morning i want you locked up, and i want you to bring me a switch with My coffee."
i got up even earlier than usual, made the coffee, went outside in my bathrobe in the early morning light and cut a good switch. Then i went and found the CB3000 which i had bought a year before, and which She had refused to hgave anything to do with. She had called it stupid and called me stupid for spending $160 on it. At the time She could not understand why i wanted Her to lock me up. But then She did not know how much i was wanking: 2-6 times a day!
i slowly walked into the bedroom in my bathrobe, my CB3000 clanking as the lock hit the plastic cage. i had Her coffee in one hand and the switch and the keys in the other. i propped the switch up in the wrought-iron bookcase and quietly went to Her with the coffee. It is my job to awaken Her with coffee in hand. i called Her name. She opened Her eyes and looked at me without a word. She reached out and grabbed me, confirming that i was caged. Then She pushed Herself up on Her pillows and took the coffee. i placed the key ring on the bedside table and fell to my knees and put my head in Her lap. She caressed my hair and sipped Her coffee. Neither of us said a word -- and it was the most profound communication we have ever had!